I spent a lot of my life being ashamed as I hid any sort of feelings that I had. I was told time and again that liking someone who is like me was wrong, wrong, wrong, and that God would not like me… but it goes deeper than that – God would not love me and God would be so disappointed in me. So I hid. Gladly hid. Are you kidding? What kid doesn’t want to be liked, especially by a God who’s supposed to love the whole world? I spent a lot of years during the month of June thinking that folks celebrating Pride were just people who didn’t know Christ and were just living sinful lives. I was always taught that gay people couldn’t have a relationship with Christ. But I had a relationship with him, and I wasn’t about to give that up by admitting that I had some sort of feelings for girls that I couldn’t even begin to explain. I wasn’t one of those “bad” people.
Fast forward decades and the month of June is very different. It all started last year when I told my therapist that for me, for the first time ever since coming out, Pride wasn’t about being proud of being gay, it was the first time that I actually had no shame and that I wasn’t afraid to be proud.
Pride goes to a deeper level this year. This year I married the love of my life, the woman who is my person. In front of God and about 100 people (and who knows how many people have watched the video online), we had a most beautiful wedding ceremony full of love, light, God… a holy union. We entered into a marriage that is incredible, remarkable, and healthy. I’ve never been in a healthy relationship like the one I have with my wife. I look back at my life and can honestly say that I never really experienced healthy relationships in my family while growing up. Never experienced healthy relationships in most churches I’ve attended (up until the most recent church that is open and affirming – thank God). And I definitely did not have a healthy relationship in my first marriage; that was a very one-sided hurtful 20 years of living with another human being – ugh. A pastor in my current church said to me very recently, “Isn’t it nice living a life that makes sense after all of those years when things didn’t make sense?” Yes indeed. 100% agreed. Being in a relationship with my wife makes sense. Beyond words.
I was driving my daughter to school this morning and I said, “Happy Pride,” and with a sweet tone of a smile in her voice she said, “Happy Pride, Mom.” She’s a good kid who loves people for who they are. I’m proud that she’s my kid. I’m proud that she’s learning how to love, accept and include.
So onward with the month of Pride. When not only am I proud of who I am, but I am also not ashamed to move onward on a path that I love and where I find myself thriving.
According to Jolly 