Sitting here this evening after receiving news today that my divorce is final. In one moment, the last two years of fighting and pain are over. In one moment, 21 years of marriage is over. Not sure how to feel. I’ll admit, my initial reaction was happy. The chapter is closed. I can move on. And then fast forward just a few minutes when I was sitting in my friend Elizabeth’s office, and as I sat there, the feeling like a ton of bricks hit me hard and the tears came. Sadness. I spent two decades of my life with a person who at one point in time I called my best friend. He made me laugh… but he also made me cry.
This chapter is closed and another one waits to be written. A new path awaits my footsteps. I was singing to Mathilda tonight as she was falling asleep and for the first time in 21 years, I actually felt alone. But it wasn’t a sad alone. It was this independent alone that felt strange. Something foreign. Alone and trekking along on a journey made by my own decisions. I don’t know if I can even articulate it well enough to make it make sense. Alone…. or maybe the word I’m looking for is…. free.
So onward I go. Tomorrow’s another day. A brand new day actually. The world will go on as if nothing has changed; I wouldn’t expect anything else. But me, a little bit of a hole is left in my heart as life as I have known it since I was 22 years old has completely changed. And I will know as I take each step forward that new challenges and amazing things are waiting for me as I take my sweet girl and we journey along.