It’s interesting. I saw a sweet older couple on the subway today, being cute little tourists in this big crazy city, and I heard myself say, “They made it.” I know beyond a shadow of a doubt there’s a huge story that only they know, and little old me can only see the present, and I have no idea what their story is that led up to today. But I still find my first thought being, “They made it.” And the sweet little old husband shows care for his sweet little old wife and it catches my eye. “They made it” is an endearing phrase in my thoughts and I find myself smiling for them. Do I yearn for this same care? You bet I do. Did I ever receive this care in my relationship? Yes, but rarely. So much so that I can barely remember receiving it. For the man I was married to had no idea how to give it; he only knew how to take it. Maybe I sound all grumpy by saying that. Meh. Maybe I am. Instead, I think I’m a little tender today as I saw yet another old couple who made it. They endured. They “look” as though they give and take, together, filling each other’s heart tanks. Someday that may happen for me. Someday. Who knows if or when. Until then I’ll continue to smile when I see some little old couple who made it, and I’ll be happy for them.
Monthly Archives: April 2018
I had this feeling this morning that I was a branch that was about ready to snap. So much going on. So much has happened in the past few months to lead up to this breaking point, and so much unknown coming down the road. I felt like if I had one more thing added to my plate that I was going to snap in two. And I went into the bathroom at work and sat on the floor and melted into a puddle of tears. I know, I know – this whole divorce thing, transition to a new chapter, what-have-you, can make a person feel like they’re riding a roller coaster. I know this. But my goodness, the days when the tears hit and they keep flowing without stopping, are really hard and draining days, and I just want to go back to a day with sunshine. So while I was sitting in my puddle of tears, and I felt like I was a branch turning into a weak twig, something hit me… I am a branch, yes. But I am a branch sustained and supported by the One and only True Vine and a little bit of chapter 15 from the book of John came to mind. And I found myself saying, “God, if you would just reach down and give me Your strength, love, grace, mercy, courage, energy, care, focus… all that You are, and help me to rest in the absolute fact that You, the Vine, can sustain me beyond everything, I would be most grateful. And honestly, all of a sudden, the weakening twig that I had pictured in my head became a little stronger. The acknowledgement of my being pruned all for growth into a deeper understanding of my relationship with Jesus, made for a completely different picture at that moment compared to the one that I had when I first walked into the bathroom to melt into my puddle. So I wiped my eyes, took a deep breath, said “thank You God” and marched along to a completely different beat of a drum. I feel enlightened. I know more roller coaster days will come, but I love the vivid picture Jesus gave me to see myself as the branch, resting in the True Vine, and I shall take that picture with me on those roller coaster days.
I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.