Tag Archives: reflection

Onward

I stood watching the typical Times Square shenanigans tonight, all while spending time with good friends in the comfort of our 2-family house on this side of the river in a quiet neighborhood. I was wearing my cozy pajamas and slippers; that’s what I call a new year’s celebration. I stood there as the ball dropped and found myself saying good-bye to a year that was one of the hardest of my life. I was teary, but it was a different type of tears than the new year’s usual. I didn’t spend time reflecting and wishing I could have done some things differently. Instead, I spent the last few moments of 2016 saying good riddance, and moving on toward 2017 with my head held high.  I have no idea what this year holds. I never knew what last year held. The roller coaster began on January 4. Where am I a year later? Still on a roller coaster, but not as intense. Sitting in a holding pattern as I wait for the next move; will the move be mine or his? I will not miss the heartache, the pain, the tears, the anxiety, the fear, the frustration that I felt this past year. Battles fought, words hurled. I won’t miss any of that. However, I wouldn’t trade anything for the closeness I felt to Jesus through all of this. Time and again I felt His faithfulness shine through on my cold dank heart like a refreshing ray of light. He got me through it all the while saying, “I love you. I have plans for you. I see you fit to stand this test.” I am thankful for His goodness, His grace, His mercy.

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Ah, the Time to Reflect

The end of the year. It’s time to reflect. Not sure how not to make it the usual reflection. Hm, let’s see. Heck, I’m just going to write….

Graduation – one of the hardest things I ever did in my life was going back to school in the midst of having a kid, being married and working full time. But I did it. I did it! Would I do it again? I have honestly thought of going back to get another degree, but my family needs me more and for now I’ll gladly talk about old buildings and work to save them. 🙂

Loss – here are the tears. I lost a very, very dear friend in August, two days before my birthday. It was a bittersweet August this year. Memories from the last 10 years of friendship frequently pop into my thoughts. Softball, house church, OSU football, good beer, music, the list goes on and on. You called me sis. Good friendship. I miss you, Ron Olah.

David – celebrated 19 years this year. What? Where in the world did that go? We’ve grown in many ways. Laughs, tears, bumps, bruises, Ohio, NYC…  we live adventure. If we’re still together after 19 years with all the growth, adventure, bumps and bruises, then we must have something going. 😉  Love you, bud.

Mathilda – I don’t even know how to write words to describe the amazingness of this kid. Absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life… motherhood. But oh how amazing and rewarding. She moves me beyond words and I find myself forever thankful for her in my life. People call her my Mini Me and it’s a precious honor. She’s become my extension, my little buddy, my shopping friend, my fellow bubble tea lover, and a dear soul who lives life with every single ounce of her 4 1/2 year old being. May Jesus guide you, and may you find purpose and a very amazing path.

God – He’s extremely real to me. February of this year marked 10 years since my life changed. I was 30. My world had turned upside down and faith like I had growing up just wasn’t doing it for me. Instead, I came to the realization of a very real God (no matter who says I’m crazy), and I know for my own life – that even though life is tough, and very hard things happen and things may not make sense – I have actually had more joy in 10 years with Jesus playing a very real, loving, gracious, faithful role in my life than the 30 years before the day I came to the amazing knowledge of His saving grace. I am His and He is mine. That’s all there is to it. Bottom line.

And that’s 2015 in a blog of a nutshell. Onward to the unknown of 2016.

Happy New Year.

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Shall We Look Back?

It’s New Year’s Eve. I always love looking back at the year on New Year’s Eve. My sister and I have loved this sentimentality for as long as I can remember. One of my favorite New Year’s Eve memories with her was watching some made for TV Liberace movie and the song “I’ll Be Seeing You” struck some chords in our souls and we have since loved that song and loved that memory. Jainie, I love you.

I look back at 2014 with a mix of fond memories as well as heart ache for the lost people in my life.

First, my parents celebrated 50 amazing years of marriage. The toasts that they deserve for 50 years are beyond count. Here’s to many more years, you sweet people.

I went to Italy. It was a life long dream that came true as I trekked over the ocean with some dear friends from grad school. It was an experience that I can never put into words, but I know that it changed my life on many levels.

I turned 40. I love milestones. Looking at my 30s had me in awe. David and I moved to New York City (the untouchable city that this little girl from Indiana never dreamed of visiting let alone living in). I had a baby who changed my life beyond words and taught me more about myself, love and grace in 3 little years than I think I had ever learned in the 37 years prior to her birth. Forty was huge for me. The days leading up to my birthday had me in a weird place thinking, “Oh my gosh, I’m getting older. Stop world. Please slow down for one minute.” And then the day arrived and I said, “Come on world, bring it.” And I’ve been feeling the “bring it” attitude since. Forty has been good thus far.

Lost some dear souls this year. Peggy Keeton, the memories I have of you in my life go way back to junior high days. You have always held a very dear place in my heart. Maudine Fee, although I only knew you for a few short years, I feel as though I had known you for a lifetime. You both are whole in the presence of Jesus. I miss you both and I love you dearly.

Got to see Carol Burnett live on stage. For those of you who have known me for several years in my life know that this was something that made me giddy with glee like a kid in a candy shop. Words could not describe the joy that was felt as I sat in the same room with this person.

November marked 20 years that David and I have been together and December marked 18 years of marriage. Where did that time go? Grand Rapids, Columbus, New York City… what’s next I wonder?

Looking ahead to 2015.

I’ll graduate from grad school this year. Wow! That has been a journey. Although there have been times I thought I would lose my mind through the whole experience, I found myself telling people that I was actually having fun and having the time of my life. And it’s true. I love grad school. Looking forward to the doors that may open because of it.

As I look back to when I was a kid and all the grown ups saying “time goes faster the older you get,” I feel as though they were right. It’s flying by and flying fast. Not sure how to hold onto it sometimes. I guess live one day at a time and treasure each day for all that it’s worth. God is good. In the midst of the crazy, the sad, the adventure, the challenge, the amazing and the fun… God is very good. His sustaining grace moves me beyond words. And with that I’ll end my thoughts for this past year and move onto the next.

Happy New Year!

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