Tag Archives: grace

Grace. Daily.

When a song begins to play and it takes you back in time to when you were young, naive and had fallen in love with the someone who you thought would be in your life forever… and you are stopped in your tracks… your heart stops. You can’t breathe for a moment. You can’t help but pause. You pause to remember that there was once this young girl who at one point in time wore rose colored glasses and lived in bliss.

This young girl grew up. She experienced life. Year after year small pieces of her rose colored glasses fell away and she one day realized that sometimes one has to live through the hard in order to experience the good. That sometimes your world has to be turned upside down in order for it to be made upright again.

I’ve distanced myself from the one who caused the hurt. I have moved on. Grace. Daily. Grace that holds me up when I just don’t know if I can walk another step. And then finally, when there are more sunny days than gray, I find myself walking with a content heart, in a life of peace. And now I know that even when the song plays I can still walk in strength alongside the One who pours it over me every single minute, hour and day of my life. Grace. Daily.

 

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Appeasement vs. Trust

Spent this evening in a teaching at Xenos about Cain and Abel. Cain gave his crops, Abel gave the firstborn of his flock. I came away with this – Cain’s crops were appeasement, Abel’s firstborn calf was trust.

What does it look like to trust and give God everything I am? What does it look like to go all in with God? What does it look like to entrust to Him things I so badly want to control, but really have no control over them because I honestly don’t know what’s going to be thrown at me by people.

I’m living in a world of limbo right now in a relationship that I’ve been in for several years. Not sure what to do with it. I know what I want to do, but is that my desire to have control taking over, or is it something I’m really supposed to do? Am I just going through motions trying to appease Jesus, or am I really living in Him and trusting Him?

Super applicable teaching tonight. Makes me think. My thinking wheels are turning. What’s the next step I need to take? Do I take a hard step and deal with waves of confrontation that are sure to come crashing down, or do I just sit by and live in “peace.” If I take the step and endure the waves, I feel that means I’m trusting. If I sit by and live in “peace” I may not be doing what really needs to be done. Really, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.

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Ah, the Time to Reflect

The end of the year. It’s time to reflect. Not sure how not to make it the usual reflection. Hm, let’s see. Heck, I’m just going to write….

Graduation – one of the hardest things I ever did in my life was going back to school in the midst of having a kid, being married and working full time. But I did it. I did it! Would I do it again? I have honestly thought of going back to get another degree, but my family needs me more and for now I’ll gladly talk about old buildings and work to save them. 🙂

Loss – here are the tears. I lost a very, very dear friend in August, two days before my birthday. It was a bittersweet August this year. Memories from the last 10 years of friendship frequently pop into my thoughts. Softball, house church, OSU football, good beer, music, the list goes on and on. You called me sis. Good friendship. I miss you, Ron Olah.

David – celebrated 19 years this year. What? Where in the world did that go? We’ve grown in many ways. Laughs, tears, bumps, bruises, Ohio, NYC…  we live adventure. If we’re still together after 19 years with all the growth, adventure, bumps and bruises, then we must have something going. 😉  Love you, bud.

Mathilda – I don’t even know how to write words to describe the amazingness of this kid. Absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life… motherhood. But oh how amazing and rewarding. She moves me beyond words and I find myself forever thankful for her in my life. People call her my Mini Me and it’s a precious honor. She’s become my extension, my little buddy, my shopping friend, my fellow bubble tea lover, and a dear soul who lives life with every single ounce of her 4 1/2 year old being. May Jesus guide you, and may you find purpose and a very amazing path.

God – He’s extremely real to me. February of this year marked 10 years since my life changed. I was 30. My world had turned upside down and faith like I had growing up just wasn’t doing it for me. Instead, I came to the realization of a very real God (no matter who says I’m crazy), and I know for my own life – that even though life is tough, and very hard things happen and things may not make sense – I have actually had more joy in 10 years with Jesus playing a very real, loving, gracious, faithful role in my life than the 30 years before the day I came to the amazing knowledge of His saving grace. I am His and He is mine. That’s all there is to it. Bottom line.

And that’s 2015 in a blog of a nutshell. Onward to the unknown of 2016.

Happy New Year.

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Thoughts From Another Day

Written Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Feeling quite inadequate as of late. Feeling like I’m letting people down at work, and I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing at school. I wanted this degree in order to get out of the Admin realm, but goodness, did I bite off more than I can chew? Going on 40 years. Finally doing something for a career, and while I thought it was the right thing at first, is it?

(And the following might become a song)

I feel lost. I feel lost. I feel like I’m standing on a sidewalk not knowing which way to turn. There are so many options around me, so many things to do and see, and I don’t know which one I should do first.

I need a steady Hand to guide me. I need to feel that I’m being steered in some sort of direction to somewhere. Need a steady Hand. Where do I go? Where do I turn? I need a steady Hand.

There’s Grace everyday allowing me to be the person I’m made to be. I just hope I’m heading in the right direction. I need the Grace. I need the Grace; the Grace to steady me.

There are days I feel I can’t be me. I need to be something for people so they’ll like me, so they’ll accept me. I feel I need to have all the answers now, but I know I can’t. I know I can’t.

I need the Grace to steady me; Someone who will let me be me. Need the Grace to steady me; Someone to set me free.

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Blessed Assurance

Blessed assurance Jesus is mine
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine.
Heir of salvation, purchase of God;
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long.

This song comes to mind as I think of a woman who passed away yesterday. Her name was Donna Chase. I only met her once but from the stories I heard about her, she lived this song. The words from this song came shining through her life and Jesus used her as a vessel to help further His kingdom.

My mother in law was moved by her story 30+ years ago. It was the life Donna lived that made Susan ask questions that led her to saving grace. So thankful for this.

Donna leaves behind a husband and 2 grown daughters. So sad on this side of heaven, but so glad that she’s meeting her Saviour and is reuniting with a daughter who she lost a few years ago. My heart is sad for her family and friends left behind. She lost her earthly battle with Leukemia, however, she won all the same because she’s with Jesus.

It was her story, it was her song.
She praised her Saviour all the day long.

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