I’m feeling out of sorts as of late and I don’t know why. I have thoughts and theories…
My body’s feeling rather blah. Maybe because it’s February and it’s just really tired of being stuck inside. I’ve been rather sedentary as of late. I just can’t get my body to move. I got some great workout DVDs for Christmas that I love, love, love (who couldn’t love Zumba?), but I quit being motivated to do them. Blah. I don’t go to bed early enough anymore, so when Mathilda wakes up at 6:30am (lately closer to 6:00), it kills me. It’s starting to wear me out. And then I think that’s where my blah comes from, too. I’m not well rested.
I’m also at a weight that I hate. I’m not as big as I was in the year 2000, but I’m heavier than I was when I came home from the hospital with Mathilda 2 years ago and that bums me out. Bums. Me. Out. Spring is around the corner. Hoping that getting outside to run is, too. I just need some motivation. *Sigh*
And then grad school… I’m out of sorts with school. I love it. I absolutely love that I get to go. I love studying what I’m studying, but I have a really horrible teacher this semester, and I feel like I’m learning nothing. Nothing. I’m spending thousands of dollars to listen to a guy pontificate, talk to our class in a very condescending manner (as if we’re kids just getting out of high school), and being given the wrong information during lectures. He’s supposed to be teaching me about this field!! If he’s giving me the wrong information, then how am I supposed to learn anything? It’s frustrating. Sure, sure – welcome to college. I can’t tell you how many people have said that to me. I know, there are a lot of profs out there just like the one I’m fuming about. But, I’ve gone back to school in my late 30’s. I’m a wife, working full-time, mother of a toddler, and I don’t need to waste my time and money learning nothing! I can’t handle that.
And after reading about internships and job opps in a department newsletter, I’m feeling rather out of sorts because I’m limited to all of these opportunities right now. I’m going to be honest – I’m tied down to a family, and a full-time job, and I can’t go places where I’d love to be able to go. I can’t experience all that I could experience as a grad school student with my married, mom and employee status. However, I wouldn’t give up my marriage and my kid for anything, so I need to be creative. I need to figure out how I can experience these things and make the most of this grad school experience. Whoever reads this, you have any ideas?
Thanks for listening. It’s been a while since I’ve written. Hope to be back sooner than later.
p.s. I should stop drinking coffee… it’s eating my stomach.